


A Smile for Two, so I Can Share It with You

by alienpoetry



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Pretentiousness, Punk Phil, Swearing, c'est tout, dan's kinda young, mentions of mcr's break up lol, mentions of smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 06:49:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7212253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienpoetry/pseuds/alienpoetry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan wonders about how Phil Lester’s name echoes around the classrooms but no one ever speaks of his smile. </p><p>[Prompt:  High school AU. Phil is the scary punk senior every underclassman is warned never to approach. Dan is the idiot sophomore nerd who decided Phil had a nice smile and someone needed to let him know it, namely Dan.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Smile for Two, so I Can Share It with You

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for phanfic exchange but this is slightly altered because i re-read it and changed some stuff.
> 
> i didn’t get this beta-ed and im sorry for the abrupt and inconsistent pacing because i lost the first draft and was rushing to get the fic out… also dan is fifteen and falling head over heels in this hence the unnecessary pretentiousness and dramatic language im soz if its out of character (i tried my best)

Dan first hears the words ‘Phil Lester’ in a bout of whispers and murmurs.

“I heard he has a cocaine addiction.”

 _Oh._ Dan thinks.

“I heard he slept with Susie Mills and dumped her after she bought him tickets to see Muse.”

_Wow. This guy’s a right dick. Good taste in music but still a dick._

“I heard he broke Gerard’s hand because Gerard accidentally spilled milk on him.”

_Now that’s just scary if we’re being honest._

“He stabbed a man once and then stole his car.”

_Okay, now that’s probably untrue. Dan rationalises._

Phil Lester’s name was a dirty word on everyone’s lips and Dan knew how teenage stupidity and rumours are often inextricable, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t afraid of Phil Lester though.

However, for a sophomore who’s too mature for his own well being, he knows that fear practically thrives on the unknown and Phil sure fits into that category because he doesn’t even know what the damn guy looks like. He’s heard about tattoos and piercings but Phil Lester is almost a mythical creature at this point, so who’s to say he doesn’t have two heads?

* * *

 

Dan watches the summer turn into autumn. As he sits at his favourite tree at the back of the school with the crisp pages of a book rustling under the pads of his fingers, he thinks about how autumn burns bright and auburn but in all it’s mesmerising elegance, people often forget that it’s an unforgiving usher of winter, the dead and the cold. _Is it endearing or terrifying that we find beauty in the strangest places?_

Obnoxious chatter from the students sitting nearby on a bench however, had soon infiltrated his bubble of introspection and pensiveness. He zeros in on their conversation only to realise, _of course_ , they were talking about Phil Lester, the one and only.

He rolls his eyes, annoyed at the cacophony amidst the serenity of his surroundings and leaves before he hears another word emitted from them.

* * *

 

“Why won’t people shut up about Phil Lester? Jesus Christ!” Dan expresses, rather exasperated. He slams his tray on the table and his bottle of water tumbles over.

“Because he’s a menace to society?” Chris replies.

“Not you too!” Dan rolls his eyes.

“I’m just saying, I’ve never seen him blink, he might be a robot or a reptile or maybe both.”

“Wait, you’ve seen him before?”

“You haven’t?”

“No? Should I have?”

“Well, you’d notice him. Tattoos poking out of his sleeves and collar. Ear piercings, kinda like yours, black hair, tall, always alone. They say he gets away with it because even the teachers are afraid.”

Dan scoffs. He doesn’t even want to try to comprehend any of this.

* * *

 

The first time Dan sees Phil Lester, he almost has an aneurysm.

Because Dan’s tall and all limbs, he barely registers what’s in front of him when he makes a corner whilst rushing home and before he knows it, he’s violently crashing into someone else. The other person’s papers and books are scattered all over and Dan tries to regain a sort of consciousness after the collision when he hears the other guy groan.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t see where–“

Dan tries to form a coherent apology but realises who exactly he was trying to apologise to in that moment.

Right before him, in the flesh, definitely was the Phil Lester and if he’s anything like his reputation then Dan needs to either start praying or leg it. He’s a little stunned for a moment, his limbs awkward and gangly, refusing to cooperate. Dan’s mind starts spewing dramatic chants about how he’s too young to die and how he hopes his pair of Yeezys don't get scuffed in the process of this.

_What are the odds that Phil Lester maybe had a soft spot for skinny pale, white boys with haircuts that belong in the early noughties (to be fair Lester wasn’t exactly exonerated from this either) and an outfit that screamed  ‘I’m not over My Chemical Romance’s breakup and I’m a sad, sad nerd’?_

Phil Lester, who was currently sprawled on the floor, looks up at Dan without saying a word; the silence is filled with the rustle of the papers as Phil tries to get up. The brunet’s hair is ruffled, his tie is loose around his neck and Dan would imagine that his own tie would act like a noose around his own neck soon. Phil’s tattoos, in their full glory, stare at Dan, peeking out of rolled up sleeves, mocking him almost. If Dan wasn’t so afraid, he might even admit that Phil’s demeanour possesses a sort of raffish charm, almost entrancing and intriguing, _almost_. Dan squeezes his eyes shut and curls his body in; ready for the eminent blows Phil Lester is sure to inflict on him.

However, the blows never come.

Dan hesitantly opens his eyes to see Phil Lester looking rather puzzled with his lips pressed together. Dan might just have a concussion because he’s almost convinced that the look reflecting off Phil’s eyes very much resembles unadulterated child-like confusion, an odd contrast to the tattoos and piercings that hover in front of him.

“Did you think I was going to hit you?” Phil exclaimed, sounding rather offended.

“Y-yes?” Dan manages to stutter out but immediately cringes internally at how he hadn’t even bothered to hide his fear. _Jesus, Dan, aren’t you just the coolest person ever?_

Just when Dan feels like he might just pass out from this entire situation, Phil Lester has the audacity to laugh, rather obnoxiously in Dan’s opinion. He throws his head back with his eyes all squinty and his tongue poking out, obnoxiously radiant really, which lies in heavy juxtaposition with Dan’s pre-conceived perception of him.

Dan visibly relaxes a little and struggles to repress the smile tugging at his lips at the sight of a carefree, sunshine-soaked Phil Lester, one untainted by stereotypes.

“Hey, I’m really sorry about that.” Dan tries again while getting up, dusting off his trousers.

“It’s okay.” Phil murmurs very softly, almost like he’s afraid of Dan. “I’m not going to hit you by the way.”

Phil quickly bends down and gathers his papers amidst a stinging awkward silence as Dan stares at him. Phil holds on to the papers like they’re made of glass. He’s gentle, almost delicate. Under the beams of subtle sunlight trickling into the hallway, Dan’s engulfed by a warmth that surges all the way down to his toes, it permeates his other senses, a nectar all honey-suckle sweet drizzling over his taste buds, an uplifting hum beside his ear drum. A peculiar urge to want to protect Phil Lester sweeps over him and it’s overwhelming his brain which strictly opposes this desire, reminding him how that doesn’t make sense at all.

The brunet quickly beelines down the hallway when he’s done but not before he shoots Dan a smile. It’s shy and a little apprehensive but it’s a smile nonetheless.

Something tickles Dan’s gut and well, the feeling isn’t exactly awful.

* * *

 

That very night Dan lies alone in bed and assesses the whole Phil Lester incident that occurred. Dan had never experienced so many emotions within the span of fifteen minutes before. Disquietude festers within him as he wonders about what to make of all his rampant thoughts and abrasive feelings.

He wonders about how Phil Lester’s shy and meek. He thinks Phil Lester’s tattoos look like fine art, in retrospect, how they traced over his veins, graced his pallid skin. He wonders about how Phil Lester’s name echoes around the classrooms but no one ever speaks of his smile.

* * *

 

The next day, Dan rushes straight to the canteen when it’s lunch and finds Chris.

“Chris!” Dan shouts as he plops down next to Chris, who was deep in conversation with PJ, gesticulating and dramatically intonating his words.

“Jesus Christ, Dan.” Chris holds a hand up to his chest. “I’m too old for this.”

“So you know Phil Lester right?”

“Yes Dan, we’ve established this a few days ago, why the sudden obsession with this guy anyway, seriously?” Chris rolls his eyes while PJ just sits there looking curious.

“So, I accidentally bumped into him yesterday and I almost gave him a minor concussion, probably, whilst sending his papers and books flying everywhere.”

Chris’s eyes widen to a ridiculous proportion and PJ looks a little shocked too.

“Wait, how are you even walking straight right now, mate?” PJ asks Dan, genuinely concerned.

“Precisely! He smiled at me and said it was okay!” Dan’s tone was one of disbelief as well. He pinched himself twice yesterday to make sure he hadn’t imagined the whole thing though, so he’s pretty sure it actually happened.

Chris lifts his hand and holds the back of it against Dan’s forehead and proclaims, “I think our boy Danny, here, is running a temperature. Quite a severe case if I’ve ever seen one.”

Dan swats Chris’s hand away and seriously recounts the entire incident to them. He did, however, leave out his opinions about Phil’s unsullied etherealness.

“No. Fucking. Way.” Chris remarks, clearly unconvinced.

“Guys! I’m being serious here, I don’t think Phil is as bad as people say he is. C’mon, we’re in secondary school for fuck’s sake, rumours spread all the time.”

“Well, he kinda does make sense, I’ve never actually seen Phil Lester do anything.” PJ reasons.

“Phil, huh? Is that what he lets you call him now? What else are you not telling us Dan?” Chris wriggles his eyebrows.  

“Oi! Shut up!”

Dan’s cheeks tinge pink, his face slightly heated from the weather, of course.

“Okay then, president of the Phil Lester fan club, what do you want to do with this information?”

Dan’s cheeks continue to burn a little too much.

“I don’t know, I mean, I-I think he has a really nice smile.” Dan manages to get out with feigned confidence but his face immediately contorts to one of chagrin when he realises what he had just admitted to his friends.

“You think Phil Lester, scary punk senior _Phil Lester_ , has a nice smile?”

“Yes, I do. What’s wrong with that? And, I just might tell him he does!” Dan sticks out his chest in defiance, clearly annoyed that his friends have such a hard time believing his whole story and also in an attempt to save any part of his dignity left.

PJ’s oddly quiet at this point and Chris just looks incredulous.

“Dan Howell, you are an absolutely fucking idiot, you know that? Do you have a death wish?” Chris turns to PJ and repeats, “The boy has a fucking death wish.”

PJ just looks amused, which pleases Dan more than Chris’s sarcasm.

“You don’t just go up and tell Phil Lester that he has a ‘nice smile’.” Chris points out in air quotes.

“Well, I’m going to anyway! Watch me! Seriously, the whole school doesn’t know shit!” Dan says petulantly.

Chris just raises his hands up and sighs, “Alright, I surrender. You can do whatever you want, man. It’s your funeral, Jesus fucking Christ.”

Dan smiles triumphantly but he doesn’t even know why.

“Oh and Dan?”

“Hm?”

“When’s the wedding?”

Dan’s cheek start burning again and he doesn’t even have a witty comeback for that one. He ducks his head and tries to ignore PJ giggling at his slight mortification. 

* * *

 

It’s been three days since the Phil Lester incident and Dan hasn’t seen him since. Phil Lester lurks around elusively and almost illusively, since Dan’s looking for a Phil Lester that exudes the aura of a thousand stars and laughs a laugh that makes dandelions grow, a Phil Lester who apparently doesn’t exist.

Dan doesn’t really have the courage to find Phil either. Dan’s afraid that the Phil Lester ingrained in his brain is also one that lives in fairy tales and romantic comedies. A deep worry blisters in his chest, one that tells him Phil Lester is exactly like they say he is and the incident was merely Dan catching him on a good day.

But thoughts about Phil Lester come as quickly as they leave, because he makes an effort to remind himself about how ridiculous it is to waste his brain capacity for thoughts about Phil Lester of all people.

* * *

 

Chris always calls Dan an idiot and as if that wasn’t enough, Dan decides to prove it.

Phil Lester was standing by his locker, inviting a lot of stares and Dan happened to be passing by that hallway. Phil looks obviously uncomfortable amidst the rude, hostile glares and whispers. Dan seethes at the mere sight of this insensitivity, his heart already much too soft and elastic when it pertains to Phil. Phil rushes to close his locker, blatantly wanting to hastily escape the harsh scrutiny of the student body, his face hard and expressionless now.

And of course, in an impulse, Dan walks up to him and blocks his path. This surprises some of the assholes watching as he sees some of them stiffen and watch Dan with bated breath in his peripheral vision.

Dan clears his throat and meets eyes with a startled Phil Lester.

“Hey Phil.” Dan greets with a nervous smile, his anxiety stems from a weird, fluttery feeling in his stomach and not fear this time.

“Hey?” Phil replies, confused at Dan’s actions. Phil clearly understands how socially suicidal it is to interact with someone who has a reputation like he does. Well, fuck social hierarchy.

Dan ensures his voice is loud enough for the rest to hear now because Phil hasn’t been anything but harmless towards Dan, and announces with the greatest conviction, “I think you have a great smile.”

His confidence immediately shrivels up and allows humiliation to fully settle in when the last syllable escapes his lips. Well, in his defence, the plan sounded way better in his head.

Phil’s eyes merely widen in disbelief, his pale cheeks spotting a light rose hue. A few people start laughing, raucous and ugly guffaws were being shared amongst themselves and he swears he hears a guy actually start to choke. But the universe decides to sympathise with Dan for a while because the bell rings at that moment and the crowd quickly disperses, and the ever-elusive Phil Lester is nowhere to be seen again.

* * *

 

“Dan Howell, you fucking idiot!”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Dan immediately retaliates.

“Well, we have to because what the actual fuck? How do you even get yourself into these situations?”

“I panicked okay! He just looked so uncomfortable and I felt bad for him…”

“I didn’t think you were serious when you said you wanted to tell him he had a nice smile!”

“I didn’t think I was either! But then he was there and they were being mean so I had to find a way to you know… cheer him up…”

“Did you have to cheer him up in front of the whole school?” Chris exclaims, exasperated.

“Chris, the awkwardness I often claim to have is not an exaggeration, you know that. I can’t help it if I’m prone to inappropriately timed word vomit!”

Chris shakes his head, rendered speechless by Dan Howell and his affinity for embarrassing circumstances.

* * *

 

Dan decides he’s officially had enough of trying to interact with Phil Lester. It has brought him nothing but shame and a cacophony of laughter that still rings in his ears. (It also comes with a state of wishful thinking and daydreams, which Dan obviously didn’t need either.)

* * *

 

In the next few days, school turns into one giant headache for Dan because everyone starts approaching him with sarcastic, derisive taunts and one wise guy even comes up and tells him he has a great smile, so he decides to skip maths and linger around the back of the school one day because the hallways seem to have been built for his ridicule and social downfall.

But of course, Phil Lester is under Dan’s favourite tree and as Dan gets closer, he realises that Phil is engrossed in a book. He doesn’t notice Dan’s presence, even though Dan’s footfalls are heavy and distinct in the courtyard, which is empty and still.

Dan considers turning back and going back to attend maths because he can’t even think about Phil now without cringing at himself. However much to Dan’s dismay, he gravitates to Phil subconsciously. In spite of himself, he’s plopped himself haphazardly right next to Phil beneath the shade.

“Hey.”

Phil squeals and jumps a little.

Dan tries not to coo at the sight of Phil Lester acting like this.

“Jesus! You scared me.” Phil wheezes with a hand to his chest.

Phil slowly becomes aware that the boy is Dan and his expression gradually transforms to one of disappointment, a look Dan decides he really hates because it doesn’t suit him one bit. The sombre expression sits incongruously in Phil’s eyes, brilliant and bright.

“Look, I don’t know what kind of stupid prank you’ve been trying to pull but I’d just really like for you to leave me alone.”

Dan’s stomach churns with bitterness, an acrid taste present at the back of his throat. He doesn’t know what to say.

“O-oh.” he stutters in a poor attempt to respond.

Phil Lester immediately turns back to his book, his lip piercing reflecting the sunlight. Distracting.

 _You do have a nice smile though._ Dan adds, in his head. 

Dan still doesn’t leave. He simply sits there in a tensed silence, watching Phil turn the pages of his book.

“You’re a loud breather.” Phil comments after a good ten minutes of pure silence between them.

“Oh, uh, sorry.”

Phil sighs heavily and sets his book down.

“What do you want from me?” Phil exclaims, clearly displeased.

“N-nothing. I swear. I just wanted to apologise, for you know… Yesterday. It wasn’t a prank by the way.”

“Look, I can’t go anywhere without being looked at or whispered about and what you did yesterday really didn’t change much but I’d appreciate it if you’d stop trying to make a fool out of me,” Phil said, solemn and serious.

“That wasn’t what I was trying to do. I’m really sorry but I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Then why are you here?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“Right… Nice talking to you.”

He shoots Dan an uncertain smile, which makes Dan’s gut do something weird again because _fuck_ , and he leaves. Dan watches the diminishing portrait of Phil’s figure walk away. In the calm and quiet, Dan’s thoughts about Phil are blaring away, his mind practically a floating mess.

* * *

 

Dan makes an effort to find Phil this time. He just wants Phil to understand that he harbours anything but deceptions. Maybe he just wants to impress Phil but those thoughts he’ll save for another day.

He finds Phil under the tree again after school. As he approaches Phil, the leaves crackle under his feet quickly announcing his presence. The musk of cigarette smoke, fresh and pungent, wafts under his nose. Anxiety nibbles softly at his insides again. Still, he sits himself down beside Phil like it was a routine, like they were best friends. ( _Maybe in an alternate universe…_ )

Phil visibly stiffens but his eyes stubbornly remain glued to his book. He obviously knows who the uninvited guest is. He has an earphone in on one side of his ear and Dan can hear exactly what’s playing. His senses only seem to know hypersensitivity around Phil.

“I love Muse.”

Phil turns to look at him with a detached expression.

“Yeah, they’re good.” Phil replies, hesitant, obviously reluctant to start any form of small talk.

However, Dan blatantly ignores Phil’s desire for solitude and makes another attempt to attract Phil’s attention.

“So, is that book any good?”

Phil turns to look at Dan, annoyed this time.

“Dan… Dan right?”

Dan nods.

“Have I done anything to offend you? Because, not to be rude, but I have no idea what you want from me and I’d just like to read right now. “ Phil states pointedly while gesturing to his book, riled up.

“I told you… I don’t want anything from you.”

“Okay, whatever you say, I guess.” Phil’s voice rings with indifference.

Phil Lester continues reading his book, tensed and taut, evidently mindful of his actions with Dan a few inches away from him. Dan doesn’t say anything else. His eyes wander around, occasionally shooting Phil passing glances. The deafening silence suffocates Dan but he stays.

After approximately half an hour later, Phil Lester gets up but not before he shoots Dan another half-hearted smile. Dan sighs heavily, unsure of what exactly he’s trying to achieve at this point. He’s become a collector of Phil’s small, constrained smiles and they only serve to confuse Dan more and more.

* * *

 

A few tiny, deliberate attempts to form an acquaintanceship on Dan’s part transform the weird to normal. The ‘tree dates’ slowly form the basis of a routine, almost habitual on both their parts. The lanky nerd hanging out with the scary punk under the tree may be bizarre to the eye of the outsider, but gradually becomes an unspoken norm between the two. Dan realises about two days in of trying to persistently communicate with Phil, (Chris calls it stalking but it’s all merely a matter of semantics, really.) that Phil spends about an hour after school under that tree in isolation, reading a book, always smelling like tobacco and mint. Dan continues spending his time after school next to Phil collecting those apprehensive smiles, memorising the lambent flicker of his irises.

They learned to make small talk, both of them occasionally passing a comment or two about some band or some video game. (They had more in common than either of them had expected and Dan’s face burns a little every time Phil’s eyes light up at a common interest they shared.)

But Dan still remains clueless as to what he had hoped to attain through all this. Phil’s presence makes it difficult to think sometimes, so he allows his confusion to stay rooted at the back of his mind.

* * *

 

After a month of hushed small talk and gaps punctuating their conversations, Phil finally initiates a conversation that feels far from superficial.

He inhales deeply and starts, “Dan…”

“Hm?”

“Why did you… say what you did that day?”

Dan contemplates feigning ignorance but Phil’s breathing is soft and rhythmic at his side. He’s found a kind of unconventional companionship with Phil Lester and it’s something more fragile and precious than he’d like to admit.

“Because… I meant it, I guess.” Dan replies, uncertainly, not wanting to start making things awkward.

“O-oh, okay.”

A blush spreads across the bridge of Phil’s nose, Dan smiles under Phil’s sheepish gaze, and nothing much shifts between them except now, Dan knows how to make the supposedly terrifying punk boy stutter.

* * *

 

Dan arrives one day wearing bags under his eyes and his hair dishevelled in a way that suggests he’s been running his hand through it the whole day.

“Is everything okay?” Phil’s tone betrays more concern than Dan expected to hear.

“Yeah… It’s just,” Dan sounded tired, his voice unnecessarily strained, “parents…” The fatigue allows certain barriers to be torn down; the veneer of equanimity he wears daily destroyed. Maybe it’s called trust.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Dan takes a deep breath and hesitates for a moment. Phil goads him on with his benign gaze. Dan’s eyes begin to well up a little. Phil notices it and places his hand over Dan’s as a reassuring gesture, patient and tender. Dan makes an effort not to visibly tense up.

“So my parents fight a lot and lately I haven’t been doing well in school so they started fighting more… I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault? I’ll always be this weird failure and it hurts knowing that I’m not good enough for them…” Dan continues, “I don’t even know how to fix their marriage, and I’ve given up at this point.”

“Maybe it isn’t your job to fix it. And as clichéd as it is, no one’s perfect, Dan. Sometimes people drift apart and I doubt you did anything to pull them apart. Don’t be so hard on yourself…”

“Bu-“

“No. You’re a great guy and I can tell you don’t have the answers for things sometimes and that frustrates you but that’s okay... It’s okay.”

“You don’t even know me.” Dan snaps but quickly retracts it, realising what he’d just said, “I-I’m sor-“

“It’s okay.” Phil says as he offers Dan a strained smile that betrays a tinge of hurt.

His hand still stays where it is, its weight reassuring. Phil starts tracing circles gently on the back of Dan’s palm, the distance between them dissipates. The silence washes over them like a sea breeze, comforting and soothing.

“From what I know about you Dan, I think you’re an amazing, gangly boy that’s too soft-hearted for his own good.” Phil consoles, out of the blue.

And, they just leave it at that and Dan doesn’t read into what Phil says.

The friendship solidifies into something palpable and concrete from here. Phil’s presence becomes a tug in his chest and a pressure firm against his lungs. _Asphyxiating or life saving?_

* * *

 

The next day, Dan returns to the same spot at the same time but the only thing that’s different this time round is the courage bursting within him.

“I’d like to get to know you and for you, me… Like properly… If that’s okay with you…” Dan starts as he approaches his reserved spot in the middle of all the fallen leaves. The leaves crinkle and cry when he sits down.

Phil raises an eyebrow, a little surprised but nods curtly.

“What’d you want to know?” Phil offers.

“Twenty questions?” _Ah yes, originality, a Dan Howell priority._

As if he’s read Dan’s mind, Phil quickly quips, “Wow, way to be original, Daniel.” He drags out the ‘el’ in Daniel and Dan grins wide.

“Shush Philip, we’re doing twenty questions. You start.”

Phil places the book he’s holding on the ground and directs his gaze upwards as if deep in thought. He continues pondering for a minute as Dan stares at him.

“Uh, what’s your favourite… kind of plant?”

(Dan only truly feels like Phil is opening up when he finds out that Phil’s favourite kind of plant is cacti.)

* * *

 

The days fade into a blur of shared laughter, inside jokes and more puns than necessary. (But that’s really all Phil’s fault.) Phil’s a reticent soul hiding in a rebellious shell. Phil is the antithesis of everything familiar to Dan. He’s the greatest paradox Dan has ever had the pleasure of meeting.

The moments shared with Phil remain clear and distinct like Polaroid photographs preserved within the pages of his memories.

Once when Dan pulled an all-nighter the night before, he accidentally falls asleep on Phil’s shoulder but his groggy state didn’t stop him from noticing the chaste kiss Phil pressed to the top of his head.

He remembers the time it got particularly chilly one afternoon and Phil handed his leather jacket to Dan without a word, Dan shrugged it on but it was really just Phil’s presence keeping Dan warm then.

He can’t place when he first realised that he wanted to do more than just sit next to Phil. He wants to hold his hand, walk across the horizons, fly over the edges of the sea, and find forever maybe. Fifteen and infatuated, a walking cliché indeed.

* * *

 

“How did the rumours about you even start?” Dan asks one day, out of the blue, his curiosity about Phil’s disreputable name still present.

“Well, I guess someone caught me with a cigarette one day and the rest was history. I’ve always been too shy to interact with people. I keep to myself a lot. After I got my tattoos and piercings, it all just went downhill from there.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that alone…”

“It was okay. I had my books and this tree. Your company’s okay too, I guess.”

“Oi!” Dan nudges him slightly and Phil loses his balance a little, toppling a little to the side. Phil lets out a small giggle and Dan realises that Phil’s just a nerd who likes art on his skin and cigarettes between his teeth. They were never that different to begin with and the universe in its unapologetic callousness decided to let them know.

* * *

 

“Why have people been talking about how Phil’s paying you to sleep with him?” Chris asks, with a tone so innocent it seems inappropriate.

“People are what!” Dan exclaims, incredulous at what he’s just heard.

“Yeah… People are noticing how you’ve started hanging out with Phil Lester and apparently that’s enough reason to start speculating about _why_ you’re hanging out with him.”

Dan frowns and decides he’s going to remain indifferent about it. He hopes Phil hasn’t heard anything about it because that would just make things unnecessarily awkward between them.

He thinks a little harder and finds a thought niggled at the back of his mind telling him that he won’t mind sleeping with Phil Lester even without payment but he doesn’t let that roam around his mind for too long.

* * *

 

“Hey Phil.” Dan greets, in a tone as nonchalant as he could muster.

“Hey.” Phil shifts awkwardly to the side and leaves about a foot of space between them before Dan even finishes settling down.

“Uh… Is something the matter?”

“Have you heard about the latest...” Phil blushes a little and Dan waits for him to continue, “rumour…”

“Yeah, Chris told me about it. People can be really fucking dumb and I’ve learnt to accept that.”

“So, you aren’t bothered by it?”

“I’m bothered about the fact that people think you’d have to pay me for me to hang out with you. ”

“O-oh…”

Phil shifts a little closer to Dan, closing the ridiculous gap between them. Dan proceeds to rummage through his bag, trying to take out his homework, seeing as Phil obviously doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Hey Dan?”

“Yeah?” Dan replies, still occupied with getting his pens out.

“I really like hanging out with you too.”

Dan immediately diverts his attention and sees Phil looking down like he’s embarrassed by his admission. Dan, in a spur of the moment, just grabs Phil’s hand and interlocks their fingers, Phil seems surprised by the sudden gesture of affection but if his smile is anything to go by, everything is just fine. Phil’s hand’s a little clammy but he doesn’t want it any other way.

In every rumour Dan’s ever heard about Phil, a Phil that’s soft around the edges and innocent, patient underneath the lines of ink never existed, the real Phil. The one who wears jackets with galaxy prints on the weekends, the one who has a lion plushie beside his bedside drawer and mostly the one who has a slight obsession with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (Dan swore never to spread a rumour about this though.)  

Maybe that’s why like their personalities, their fingers fit too perfectly for them to let go and he silently hopes that Phil thinks that too.

* * *

 

Phil kisses him one day, when there wasn’t a single person in sight, underneath their tree. The whistles of the wind messes up Phil’s hair but Dan’s fingers interwoven in his black locks do not alleviate the problem one bit. Phil doesn’t care. He kisses eagerly, with Dan’s mouth warm and pleading against his, and allows his wandering hands to map out Dan’s body, finding their way home, almost like it’s second nature for them.

Phil’s pale, cold and distant skin melts under Dan’s welcoming touch and it’s an explosion of warmth that extends from every one of Dan’s synapses to the extremities of his body. Dan doesn’t remember how being cold felt like.

When they finally pull apart, their breaths are heavy and Dan feels light, airy, giddy. Phil has his hand against Dan’s right cheek while Dan has his hand over Phil’s left cheek. Phil’s smiling so wide that Dan’s certain his cheeks would’ve been numb by now but Dan’s also pretty sure his own smile is an exact facsimile of Phil’s.

“Have I ever told you that you have a great smile, Phil Lester?” Dan smirks.

* * *

 

Dan still hears Phil’s name bouncing off the corridors but this time, the Phil Lester beneath his finger tips, underneath his skin, kissing him with fervour, ebullient and effulgent, remains as the Phil Lester that only he’s allowed to know about and he can’t seem to mind.

**Author's Note:**

> constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, I'm sorry if there were any grammatical errors I missed. (psst the cringe bits are for literary purposes i promise lmaooo go easy on me pls)
> 
> my tumblr is ravehowell hmu :-)


End file.
